Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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