You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
