She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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