pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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