I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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