the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
