whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
