I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it's like iHOP with fire
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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