her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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