she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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