Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
