dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
