Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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