you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She tied me up with her honor cords...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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