I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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