I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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