I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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