Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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