I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
