Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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