Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
