shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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