I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im part way to drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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