I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize