I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
