she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
