Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
