Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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