did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
