im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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