I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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