my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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