I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
