Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
