Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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