watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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