where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
