Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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