if i can run in heels then i can drive
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
