so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
