I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
