The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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