Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
