Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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