i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
