I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Congratulations! We have a period
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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