She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.