A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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