If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
