I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize