So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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