so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
