Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
