Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
