He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
