Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
