umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
operation have a gay friend backfired
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm getting married
To pizza
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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