part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
